Young and Restless
by HornLove
Summary: What went through Collin Littlesea'a head when he was forced to run patrol around La Push during the Newborn War with his arch nemesis, Brady Fuller? A Collin and Brady story where neither of them imprint. Read for originality!
1. Chapter 1

Even though it was a time to be brave, I've never been more scared in my life.

I'm only a 15 year old kid! The least I was supposed to worry about was doing my homework and getting the latest COD game, not murderous newborn vampires! I wasn't supposed to be able to turn into one giant werewolf and have part of the insane burden of protecting a whole tribes worth of people from a group of vampires just down the street!

I mean, the Cullens aren't really our enemies, but they weren't what I would call friends either. Our relationship was fucked. One minute we're helping each other, and the next we could be fighting over stupid shit.

And the worse part is, I'm all alone.

Jacob hangs out with his best friends — that have been pals since like, ever. Jared, Paul and Sam are sort of like the "big guys" that enjoy each other's company, well, unless Jared and Sam ditch Paul for their imprints, which wasn't uncommon. Sometimes I could hear Paul swear under his breath about how much he hated imprinting, and then other times I heard him say he wanted to imprint, but that was extremely rare. No guy would ever admit that they wanted to imprint.

There was also Seth and Leah, who sort of had this brother-sister bond going on. Seth was this overly cheerful dude who got along with everyone, and Leah was the exact opposite. However, Leah was a babe, so all her bitterness I found in myself to ignore. She could be a bitch sometimes, but man was she hot.

And then there was him. Brady. A kid who I have hated all my life.

It kind of sucks that he was my only option for company, seeing as no one really wanted to associate themselves with a pup like me. Maybe they'd talk to me for guidance and whatever, but most of the time when were not in wolf mode, I was left on my own.

But like I said, Brady and I never got along. Ever since kindergarten. Hell, we've fought physically on more than on occasion. And no, it wasn't one of those "manly" things guys like to do — this was full-blown fighting. Like legit.

We hate each other. And it doesn't help that our mothers are like best friends. Ugh. Sometimes, I'd have to see Brady in my house and I didn't like it one bit.

Okay, normally I'm a nice, laid back guy, it takes a lot to piss me off, but just the mention of Brady's name and I want to punch someone. Like, it's happened before. The reason my guitar doesn't work as well is cause of that stupid shit.

Okay, breathe. I bet you're wondering why I hate him so much. I usually don't hate people, but I have several reasons to.

The first time we met, went as early as kindergarten, where our mothers took us to school and tried to get us to be friendly towards one another. I had no problem with creating new friends, but apparently Brady did.

Whenever we did arts and crafts, I'd ask Brady for his crayon after he was finished, and all he would do was stop coloring and stare at me before saying "No"

Okay, I know that's silly, but it's serious! And that's not the only time, I remember vividly in third grade when he pushed me off the monkey bars and I had to get a cast for my broken arm. I had it on for six weeks, and I'm still waiting on that apology!

It wasn't until middle school that I really started to hate him. Things got really bad, because now, I was interested in girls, and so was this jerk, Brady.

In fact, there was this particular girl who I had liked. It was seventh grade, and her name was Macy Stevens. She was the hottest girl in school, and well, I had a crush on her. Like any other healthy male, Brady had a crush on her too.

Okay, so what? Big deal, right? Well I guess. I had no problem with a little competition, but the last thing I tolerate in my book is, sneaky, grimy, cunning _cheaters. _

I asked Macy to the dance first, and she agreed. Every other guy backed off, it was widely unspoken rule that I— Collin had Macy, and there was no possible way someone could dispute that. I got there first, so she was mine.

Except this ass Brady, didn't think so.

So while we were dancing and having a good time or whatever, this punk Brady just came in and took her away!Yeah, yeah. I know that doesn't sound bad, but it was totally wrong! He broke the honor code. He basically came in and _took her away._

So, I'm just standing there like an idiot, watching him spit game in her ear. She'd giggle and gasp and whatever, but they were kissing in no time.

That pissed me off, that was Brady's way of telling the world that he thought highly of himself. I mean, he was basically saying that the rules didn't apply to him. That seriously made me so angry, it was hard for me to contain myself.

That was when things started to get violent. At the time, Brady and I were cool. I mean, sure he broke my arm and refused to give me the red crayon, but hey, let bygones be bygones, right?

Wrong.

Brady and I got into an argument, one that escalated in me punching him in the jaw. He never forgave me for that. Psst, the asshole! He fucking broke my arm and I never even freaked out about that like he did. What a pussy.

Anyway, we decided separating would be the best thing when we reached high school. I got into playing the guitar and listening to classic rock. It was one thing I absolutely loved, and I enjoyed doing it.

Of course, Brady would beg to differ.

One day, my mom was having some sort of stupid dinner party and she of course, invited Brady's mom and dad and a whole shit load of other people, with little annoying kids. I was left entertaining the brats who came into my room and poked at my guitar.

The children — who were all five and below, I should add — would not stop yelling so I played some guitar to shut them up, and of course it worked.

So I'm in the middle of playing an AC/DC cover and this jerk just shows up in my room and says; "You play _electric _guitar? Oh man, Acoustic is so much better. Classic."

Okay? I found it in myself to ignore his childish claims and continued playing the guitar to the stupid brats. Unfortunately, he took this as welcome to continue walking. In fact, he walked in and eyed my baseball gloves before gloatingly talking again.

"But in the end," He deduced "Hip-Hop is ten times better"

I abstained from commenting. Everyone had their own opinion. Some people like Hip-Hop better than Rock and vice-versa. It didn't bother me that he did, but it annoyed me that he thought I cared. And only continued

"Rock sucks in general," he said "I just hate the sound with electric, it kills the soul of the music"

Okay. I'm not really a close minded person, but this was the last straw. Rock does not suck, okay. It's the best genre there is, and well, I wasn't going to take that from anyone. Let alone Brady.

"Get the fuck out of my room, Brady" I twisted his name into making it sound evil. Some of the kids gasped at my language, but I shrugged them off.

Unfortunately, my mom overheard this as she was walking by and almost killed me. I was stuck with a ten minute lecture about language and being nice to Brady and yada yada yada.

So after this stupid lecture, I was sent back to my room, which was thankfully kid-less. But as I was walking towards the door, stupid Brady was fucking playing with my guitar!

"What the hell man," I whisper-yelled. "Get your hands off my guitar"

But under the crappy plucks of music that Brady was attempting, he didn't hear me. The rage filled me to the top and I seized what was rightfully mine.

I had startled Brady, who initially resisted and held my guitar back, defensively. In the process, a string had popped.

"NO!" I screamed "You dumb fuck! Look what you did to my guitar!"

I hadn't noticed how loud my voice was, but as soon as the first profane word escaped my mouth, my mother walked in and hissed. And even worse, Brady's mom walked in too.

Long story short, Brady's mom and my mom got into an argument that lasted ten minutes. Their friendship was officially over and well, I was kind of glad for that. No more Brady, at least.

Afterwards, my mom grounded me. It didn't surprise me, I knew I had it coming, but what pissed me off the most is that she refused to have my guitar repaired!

To this day, I have to play with a guitar that's missing a string. Do you know how terrible that is? That's one pitch, one note I _can't_ play. How is that real music then!

I try not and bicker about it, but seeing his face everyday just reminds me of everything he did. First the crayon and now this? Now, we're both wolves? Why couldn't have been someone else? Why couldn't Brady be one of my friends? Hell, why did it have to be me in the first place?

Another thing that stresses me, is that I can't even tell my parents! They aren't on the council, and I really don't know how to tell them that I burst into a furry wolf at night. I've been trying to find the right moment, but I just can't get the guts too. I mean, how exactly can you tell your parents you're a werewolf?

Brady didn't have a problem with telling his parents. I mean, they were shocked, but they took it. And he told them the day he found out.

That was another reason why I hated him, he had the courage and guts to do things like that. I lacked his bravery, and it pissed me off to no end.

How the hell am I supposed to be a wolf, if I'm a wimp? Why did the spirits think I was the most fit to be a wolf?

Well, apparently Sam didn't think I was ready either. In fact, the whole pack agreed it was safe to keep Brady, Seth and I behind because we were so young. I wasn't one of the two that argued. Seth and Brady were so upset, they fought their cause viciously. Seth was the only one who went somewhere, because he challenged Sam for letting Leah go as well.

Seth and Leah phased around the same time, so they were relativity the same age in wolf years. I guess that made sense. What made Leah more eligible to fight?

Well, that's when it got awkward. Leah of course, hissed that mom needed at least one kid alive to take care of her after Harry passed.

That scared us all. Was she really planning on taking her life at the newborn battle? Was she really that depressed, thats she was willing to leave the world forever?  
No signs of denial were coming from Leah's way and that only pissed Seth off more. He argued that he was going if Leah was going and all this brother protection crap.

Sam was freaking out more than anyone about Leah's threat, he almost ordered her that she couldn't think of such things, but as a human, he had no control over her. Who's to say she won't take her life in another way? Not knowing lead Sam into deep paranoia, one that threatened Leah he'd have her on guard 24/7. Course, Leah just claimed it was a joke, though a poorly tasted one. We could all see her lie when she said that though.

It was the Cullens who gave Seth more freedom to roam as he would be helping with the watching of that girl and her leech boyfriend. I never knew anyone who was more ecstatic with being on baby sitter duty.

At this point Brady quit, he was tired of being mollycoddled, but no one could deny that neither of us were ready for that kind of stuff. We both agreed to run patrol and watch out for La Push, though.

In the end, Leah and Sam got into an argument that resulted into everyone phasing back to avoid the awkward conversation.. I only caught the gist of it, and I still get the shivers when I think about it.

_Fuck off, Sam._

_Leah tell me you aren't serious,_

Sam's voice was pleading, it was so sad to see my Alpha begging. I never heard him like this. I've never seen him this desperate about anything.

_You don't care about me, Sam _I remember the growl Leah released like I heard it yesterday. It was filled with so much aggression and dominance, but I heard a hint of personal depression and loathing somewhere in the depths. I also remember the way Sam flinched. _Go eat some muffins_

I phased out by that time. I was unable to listen to the rest of that.

In fact, I was so traumatized by that encounter, I totally forgot that I would be stuck patrolling with Brady all day, the next day.

And when I remembered, my day just got ten times worse.


	2. Chapter 2

On the morning of the war, we all stayed at Emily's house waiting for the Cullens go. We had no idea when the Newborns were gonna attack, but Alice's prediction told us it would be today, at least.

Sure enough, I was left alone again. Jake and his buddies were laughing at something stupid. I don't understand how anyone could laugh at time like this, but I guess that's the beauty of friends.

I lost mine ever since the day I changed into a wolf. I stopped hanging out with them and the more I was being anti-social, the more they shut me out. Which I guess was fair.

Anyway, Sam was kissing up on Emily and Leah got really snappy. She practically left the living room and walked outside. No one really stopped her or anything, except Seth who watched her go in silence. You could tell he wanted to say something, but knowing Leah she'd only wave him off.

Jared and Paul were discussing tactics, though Paul looked a bit annoyed. Jared more than once interrupted him so he could call Kim and see how she was doing.

Those conversations were so obnoxious, it often resulted in Jared and Kim arguing about who was going to hang up first. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, though Paul had less decency to do so. One time, Paul had been so agitated that he actually took the phone out of Jared's hand and pressed the end button for him. Jared had been furious.

He just did it again. They started arguing and blah blah. Sam put an end to it, but not without Paul's dramatic exit. He screamed "God, you're so fucking whipped. Grow some balls!"

Sam groaned and tailed after Paul who probably went out in the forest to phase. I could hear him murmuring expletives and apologizing to Emily about his early departure.

Despite the obvious awkwardness Paul left, I couldn't help but laugh. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. The look on Jared's face was priceless, it was almost like someone had just slapped the crap out of him. I was glad someone finally said something though, because his bickering over the phone and talking non-stop about Kim was pissing me off too.

Surprisingly, I wasn't the only one laughing. I heard another chuckle join in my escapade, and when I looked over to possibly laugh with him, I saw that it was Brady joking along with me.

The fact that it was Brady, my arch nemesis, was the one laughing didn't change how funny it was. I mean, I was a little disgusted, because were actually getting along, somewhat...but the bottom line was, Jared just got told to grow some balls. The highlight of my day.

"Hey," Jared sneered afterwards "Shut up, puppies."

It was then that Brady stopped laughing and scowled "Don't fucking call me that, pussy. You just got your ass handed to you, I'd stop talking if I were you"

The "ooh's" and "ah's" that followed after was comical, but I was too busy sitting on the edge of fear and excitement to notice. I'd never have the guts to basically challenge an older wolf like Brady just did

"Chill dude," Jared backed off, a slight smile forming on his face, he leaned in deeper in his couch. He really was a relaxed guy at times. "I was only kidding"

"That's what I thought," Brady added, possibly pushing his luck and Jared's patience.

I knew that last sentence was his attempt at gaining more respect, but now I feared he was over doing it. In the wolf world of dominance, when a pup tries to take control of a situation, the end results are never really positive.

"Hey man, what'd you just say?" he chimed in again, his voice having some metallic edge to it. As if he was ready to fight. So much for being relaxed...

"Ooh," and here comes the instigator Quil. As Usual. Right on cue."You gonna take that, Jerr?"

"Fuck if I will," Jared hissed, "What did you just say?

"Nothing man," Brady waved, trying to change the situation in his favor. He was screwed "Calm the fuck down"

Jared only roared at this, he stood up this time and my heart bumped faster "You trying to tell me what to do now?"

Brady rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn't respond. Sometime told me Jared wasn't really mad but really just letting some excess steam off, there is no way he could actually be that pissed. Despite my guess, Jared chuckled manically and moved forward. He really wasn't giving up...in fact, he moved so close to Brady that he managed to grab the collars of his shirt in hopes of proving his male dominance, probably.

"Hey man," Quil said again, grinning like an idiot towards me "You're not gonna watch out for your boy, Collin?"

I flinched my head to where my name was called and twisted my nose into a scowl.

"That's not my boy," I simply said, a twinge of sarcasm and disbelief thrown into the air.

"We're all boys," Seth said, forcefully trying to get us all along. He was watching Jared hold Brady's collar even tighter in anxiety. He really hated violence. "Jerr, let go of him. This is a pack. We're all supposed to look out for one another, right?"

Jared sneered, but apparently agreed cause he let go of Brady and went back to his seat. Immediately, he dialed Kim's number and left the room.

Brady sat there embarrassed, but furiously stared me down, as if blaming me of his little mishap. Fat chance.

"Thanks a lot, Col" he spat. I kind of flinched at his nickname of me. Did he really just call me "Col"?

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I growled back. "We're not friends. I thought you knew that"

Soon enough, our argument caught the eyes of Embry, Quil and Jacob, who watched us in amusement and disapproval. I could see their tense eyes lighten with some sort of sick glee as they watched us argue. We were entertaining to the fuckers, huh?

"We're not friends," Brady had said, but it was almost like he said it as a question than a statement. "but you laughed at the joke too, you should've at least had my back"

"But I didn't open my mouth to say shit, did I?" I countered

"But if you did, I would've had your—-"

"But I didn't" I hissed. Not wanting to hear the rest of his statement. "So fuck off"

Seth sighed heavily before turning the volume up on the T.V. "Will you two shut up? Grey's Anatomy is on"

All five of us stared at him in complete and utter shock. It seemed as though we all forgot about our troubles — you know, the one about hundreds of murderous vampires coming to attack us— for one moment just to gawk at Seth. He didn't seem to notice, it looked like he was too engrossed in whatever the show was saying.

"Anyway," Embry shook his head, still eying Seth weirdly "The point is, you guys are both friends—"

"We're not friends!" I was quick to contradict.

"Why not?" Jacob raised his eyebrows. Despite the fact that he was depressed 24/7, he could sometimes be a cool guy. Just not when he was interrogating me.

"Look now is not the time to discuss our _feelings_," Quil retorted "There's a freakin' war going on"

"We're not discussing feelings, Quil" Brady argued "We're talking about how much Collin's a coward"

"I watch for my own," I said, cold.

"And who exactly is your own?" Brady mocked, his face twisting in disgust.

"I thought I told you guys to shut the fuck up," Seth hissed, suddenly getting angry. I could tell he wasn't agitated from our arguing, but from something else entirely.

"Seth man, what's up?" Embry questioned, his brow furrowing into his hair line. Seth only shrugged and looked down at the floor.

"Anyway," Embry dismissed Seth's weird behavior nonchalantly "Like I said, this is a pack. We are all your 'own', Collin"

"Well then why didn't _you _back him up then?"

"It doesn't matter," Quil backed Embry almost immediately. It's funny how his best friends embodied everything Embry stated "You're his friend—"

"I'm not his friend!" I repeated, more agitated than ever. "We never were friend and never will be. We hate each-"

"Am I the only one that cares about Leah?" Seth fired, though his voice was quiet enough we might as well have not of heard it.

"What?" Jacob said, shock underlying his tone

"You say this is a 'pack', but no one cares enough about my sister, who practically threatened suicide just the other day. Did either of you even realize that she was gone? All you do is spend your time bitching about backing each other up and claiming we're together. Are we together or does that exclude my sister?"

"No, Seth," Quil began, troubled by Seth's revelation "We just thought she wanted some alone ti—"

"Whatever," Seth said, waving his hand and turning the volume up. His eyes were diverted from the scene in front of him, but a familiar pang of shame covered us all.

"Seth's right," Jacob said quietly.

Before another second of silence could overcome us all, we were left with the sudden burst from the door, neither of us had time to process what was going on before Sam started barking orders.

"Quil, Embry, Jake." He said, his voice urgent, Emily came to his side worried "It's time. Come on"

All three of them stood in what looked like excitement and anticipation, though from the looks of it, fear overcame it all. I watched them run through the woods to phase— they were gone in a second.

"Hey, what about me!" Seth cried, running after them. I was left in the living room alone with Brady and Emily.

She looked too troubled to leave alone, but from the Sam's previous orders, Brady and I were to protect all of La Push, meaning non-stop patrol with my enemy.

I was so looking forward to this.

Not at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys...I'm actually so sorry for not updating in forever. I have no excuse except pure laziness...I hope your interest in this story hasn't died off because I will be continuing it.**

**Truthfully, I hit a bad case of writers block after the first two chapters and I just kind of put it off. But now...I have some sense of what I want for this story...kind of. I also updated "Something New" with two new chapters a couple days ago if you were reading that. It's a Leah story with my OC character Ben...who is Sam's brother. I hope you enjoy both and if you can forgive me, review! Thanks guys! **

**And sorry!**

**If you need a re-cap, this takes place after Collin and Brady get into an argument at Emily's house before the war. Collin and Brady hate each other, or at least Collin thinks so. It doesn't help when in Eclipse, Collin and Brady are to do patrol around La Push. This is the chapter where they are patrolling. **

For two hours, the only things on my mind were commercial jingles and Megan Fox. I did not focus on the fact that I was sharing a brain with my arch nemesis or that I couldn't fight along side with my brothers. Or the fact that we were basically running in circles for the whole day or who knows how long this stinkin' war will last.

I started to hear Brady low-key complain when I got on my 92nd "Meow" to the Purina Cat Chow Mix commercial jingle, but I continued repeating the song. it was a good way to get lost within it. I just lost any sense of me when I was singing that song.

When those things got old and I started to get annoyed, I agreed to steer my attention to Leah Clearwater. Man, she was hot. Literally the most beautiful girl in the world. But she never noticed me. I tried in vain to think of ways for her to get my attention

_Gross_ Brady commented _That's my cousin dude_

I ignored him. Just like I've been doing all day. I really didn't want to spend anymore time hearing his stupid voice or his stupid comments. My Leah-centric thoughts continued. Maybe if I contribute more to pack discussions? I was usually the quiet one when it came to things like that. Maybe if she heard my voice more, she would be more aware of me.

Brady cackled at my reasoning _You're a dumb fuck. Leah's not going to take an interest in you_

I couldn't find it in myself to ignore, I had to ask why. Brady was the Clearwater's first cousin...so maybe he knew some things.

_Have you not shared a brain with her for the past weeks?_ He questioned _She hates the wolves so she probably hates you._

My snout growled in response but it wasn't anything I could deny. Leah was probably the most uncomfortable with her wolf side, rightfully because of all the burden it brought upon her, but I was willing to change her thoughts on us.

Brady only smirked, but didn't say any more. I could feel him coming closer to me and I only got angrier.

_Keep left_ I growled to my companion as we ran laps around La Push begrudgingly.

I could sense a scoff from Brady, but felt him move over a couple miles east. He knew I had La Push's safety only in my mind, and even though he hated me, he found it in himself to agree.

_Why the fuck do you think I hate you so much, dick_. Brady sneered _It's not all about you._

I didn't respond to his insult. I didn't want to open any more doors for conversation but unfortunately—as usual—Brady continued.

_We've never been friends._ Brady allowed, although he sounded a bit skeptical _But I've never hated you and I don't get why you hate me. I haven't done anything to you._

_Ha!_ I couldn't help but respond _You've done nothing but screw me over the past few years. I always just thought it was mutual_

_What?_ Brady asked, truly confused _What the fuck are you talking about?_

I tried so hard not to think about the crayon or Macy Stevens because only now did I realize how stupid and juvenile it was to hate someone for. Instead, I tried to focus on my guitar because that was a good enough reason. I didn't have much control over my thoughts...so everything came out for Brady to see. My anger and disgust over Brady denying that he has never done anything to me only opened so many memories of what exactly this fucker has done to me.

Brady only laughed continuously at my thought of Macy. _I don't even talk to her anymore and I don't even remember kindergarten. Jesus Collin you remember all the dumb shit._

I didn't lose ground, as I shoved memories over my anguish of my prized guitar. I got nothing but sarcasm from the other side.

_O-M-G-Your guitar got broken, whoop dee doo_ He said, rolling his wolf eyes _Am I supposed to be sorry? You aren't even in a band or anything, why does that even matter as much as you make it out to be._

My anger only lengthened _That doesn't matter, you broke something that's mine! Something important to me! Most people who just say sorry and move on._

_You didn't say sorry when you under-cut my jaw_

_You didn't say sorry when you pushed me off the monkey bars!_

I heard nothing but from laughter in response. But it wasn't Collin. I whipped my head back in shock.

_You guys are so dumb_. Quil cackled and to my utter horror, I heard the rest of the pack slowly breathing. I thought of Leah seeing me argue childishly and instantly got embarrassed for thinking of such. I just wanted to go in a corner and hide forever because she looked at me weirdly for even thinking of her. Brady snickered. That fucker.

_Is there anything else you want to discuss, Collin_. Sam said, seriously. I could see he was curious about my Leah comment. _Before we begin_

_I thought you guys already started_ Brady questioned

_Nah._ Everyone said at the same time.

They didn't elaborate more, but we could see the explanation in their thoughts. It was about to start now, I felt it in my bones. They were coming.

Shit.


	4. Chapter 4

I could now feel it in my bones. The agitation that Brady had raised was irrelevant; this shit was serious. The excitement among my pack mates was high yet all the while annoying. How could we be so excited against the prospect of death? Never seeing our loved ones again didn't even register within the testosterone fueled protectors, yet it was all I could think about.

I'm glad I'm not fighting.

I couldn't imagine being ripped to shreds. Crying, in agony from death coming to you piece by piece…

But I was alone in my thoughts, ignored as usual as the senior members ran eagerly and running over tactics and strategies. Oaths to protect each other were made with passion, while we all shared that one last look. Reoccurring jokes on what the exact shade of grey Jared's fur was surfaced or just how much chocolaty-brown engulfed Quil. One last time for us to gaze up at Sam's deafening stance in one piece with nothing but reverence and intimidation. One last moment to look down at Leah in her less than average size but impressive speed, one last time to notice Seth's obnoxious hearing and chirpy aurora or even Jacob's deep and thickly infected thoughts of the one who started this all….

It was pretty fucking depressing, but as a pack we got through it. Even though Brady and I were separated by the second, I have never felt more close to them in my life.

_Ya done there yet buddy?_ Brady snickered. I glared at him only to watch him continue with his sarcasm, _you know, talking about your feelings and shit_

I rolled my eyes but felt the hurt from his comment nonetheless. I was probably a little more sensitive than the average Quileute shape-shifting male, which by the way lot of the guys liked to point out scathingly. That is,nif they noticed me at all.

_Shut up Brady_ I mustered up to say somehow even though I was feeling distraught. I'm always feeling that way when I'm patrol. I try not to think about things much because I only feel shitty afterwards. Why was I a punk? Why did I have so many feelings? Just some of the questions that escaped me.

Even now, I was afraid. Why was I the only one feeling like that?

Brady rolled his eyes as he examined my insecurity. This is why I fucking hated being a wolf so much. You're open to everyone seeing how shitty your life is and then you have to hear their take on everything; an outside opinion. I didn't want a fucking second opinion.

Just right when I thought that, I felt a pressure on one of my pack mates in my head. The fighting had begun. Brady and I effectively ignored it. We didn't know who was hitting who and I really didn't want to.

_Chill your tits _Brady said with venom I didn't know he was capable of. _I'm not here to tell you how to fix your life. I'm here to run patrol_

Even then I knew that was a lie. I could hear Brady making retorts, besides the yelling from the other mates, that his own brain couldn't control. _Maybe you should grow some balls. You're not a punk. Get over yourself._

_I am a punk_. I defiantly said and thought of many reasons why. I was too much of a pussy to tell my parents the truth; I was the only one afraid of fighting newborn vampires and wasn't at all excited about fighting them. I was afraid of my pack mates, I was afraid of talking to Leah, I was afraid to take more than one muffin even when Emily insisted. I was afraid to defend myself. I am a punk, a self-loathing, pathetic punk.

Just then I heard more screaming in the background, but these were moments of joy. For a minute there, Brady and I just stood there, just watching the fight through Paul's aggressive eyes. I felt a happiness I couldn't explain as he and Jared just ripped into a newborn. The shredding, metallic sound was like music to my ears…

Then the second I felt that, guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. From what I knew, these vampires didn't choose this life. Some weird red headed leech changed a bunch of random, innocent lives. They were controlled by blood-lust. But did they choose that fate? I felt the pain for the enemy. A life was a life and the fact that just a couple weeks ago, these were innocent humans made me hate what the pack was doing now. Despite that, I understood what needed to be done.

_You're not a punk._ Brady said tiredly, eying me confusingly, as he tried to shift our focus _you wouldn't be a wolf if you were _

_Bullshit. _I managed to say, only thinking of how my whole life was centered around being afraid

_You weren't a punk when you asked Macy Stevens out to the dance._

This took me by surprise. _That's different._

_It's not. What about the fact that you were the only kid in third grade that had the balls to climb the monkey bars? Or the only one to play his stupid guitar for the talent show?_

Shocked again, I couldn't really reply to him.

_Collin you're really a fucking idiot you know that right? We're all scared. The one thing you don't know how to do is read someone even if you share the same brain as them. We're all fucking scared._

I couldn't find it in myself to argue. _I'm not excited about anything though_

_That's because you're some weird ass peaceful person who's into zen and shit._ _You're like Seth in that way...and there's nothing wrong with that, ass wipe. Accept yourself because you're little pity party is starting to annoy the fuck out of me. Besides, what's the point in being excited? We aren't doing shit but running in circles any-fuckin-ways_

Before I could reply, another slam changed our vision. Quil just took down a big one. The fight was nearly ending, we were winning, no one was hurt, things were looking up...

_It's easy enough for you to say. I _said, irritatingly enough

_What the hell is that supposed to mean? _He said incredulously

_It means you never have to deal with half the shit that I do because you have the courage to-_

_What courage? Because I don't let those bastards run me? Or because I told my parents who I truly was? It doesn't take courage to do that, Collin. It takes acceptance of yourself, Collin. That's your fucking problem. The minute you stop worrying about everybody else and realize that you pop into a furry little ball at night, the better._

But before I could even realize that Brady had done a great service for me. Before I could begin to recuperate and accept myself. Before I could finish my three hundred and twenty first lap around La Push, I felt a great crushing feeling and yelp of overriding pain

Jacob was in trouble.


End file.
